Me Love-ly Life (2) – (The Soulmate)

Good morning everyone. Happy New Month.πŸ₯³

I just want to briefly talk about Love❀️. This my blog post on Love has been long overdue.

So I’ve decided to use my dating experience as a case study. I hope you enjoy the read;

I had a girlfriend last year.😍 (Yes I did, Don’t be shocked πŸ˜„) for the first time ever in my Life. She was (and still is) awesome. Beautiful, industrious, hardworking; doesn’t like relying on people for her needs, always want to work for it, she’s nice, She’s a mother material if there’s anything like that. She knows everything there is to know about pregnancy and child care, it’s like she’s ready to be a mom. I still tease about her about it πŸ˜„. I can bet she’d make an awesome mother. I’m sure of it.

But as the LORD would have it, we recently broke up due to many reasons I can’t divulge, but one of them is that we’re not all that compatible.

I knew we weren’t compatible from the onset, but I wanted to try this experiment I read in some books. In one of the books it was said that; A man who’s ‘Whole’ – Self aware, in purpose, In God, Single, Mature – can cultivate his “would be” wife to be something he wants”.

And the other book said; “…Love is a verb, NOT really a noun. it’s a doing word, NOT a feeling word. Do loving things to your woman regularly (even when both of you don’t feel in love), the love will come If the showering of Love (care, attention, patience etc.) is consistent.

I tried doing that with her, I was extremely patient, I really was, I was really waiting for her to ‘become’ the one, but it wasn’t meant to be.

Before now, many people, my friends etc. have been eagerly waiting for me to have a girlfriend, to see who I’d finally chosen after all these years. When I finally had her, some said she isn’t my ‘soulmate’ giving weird reasons I can’t divulge hereπŸ˜•. Others trusted my decisions, some were jealous πŸ˜„. Only one of my friends agreed and observed from the onset we weren’t compatible.

We talked at length about it, I gave him my view point and he understood.

Now back to the people who said “She’s NOT my soulmate.

Firstly, let me start by saying she and I would’ve still been together as a result of the practices I stated above. To which she attested was working. Though, She was willing and patient for a time, it wasn’t enough.

Secondly, nobody is my soulmate or your soulmate.❌. God parades different options of a kind of woman (The Proverbs 31 woman) before us & men – NOT male (there’s a difference) – for us to choose from.

Thirdly, as I’ve found out, Soulmate is a mythical concept, does NOT and has never existed. I mean it would be very unfair if God had just made one person for us in the entire world to marry.

Question 1: what are the chances, that out of the probably 3 billion females in the world from Nigeria, China, Pakistan, Italy, Brazil, The U.S.A. e.tc. – you’d ever in your lifetime see or meet her? It’s less than 1%.

Question 2: If God chooses or predestines our mate for us, is He not tampering with our freewill, which is not consistent with the word Of God? Yes He is.

Question 3: If God is actually going to force or Choose something for us, answer me this! WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT; Salvation or marriage? Salvation of our souls Obviously.

I don’t believe in soulmates. There’s no one person out there made for you. But I believe, There are kinds of people made for you, people who are compatible with you – your ideals and values.

The Bible says; He who finds a wife, finds a good thing – Proverbs 18:22

First of all, he finds “A” wife, NOT “The” wife. So we (men) have to go out there and find ourselves “a wife” NOT “a Chick”. There’s a big difference. But first of all guys, we’ve gotta work on ourselves, so when “a wife” see’s us, She also sees a potential mate and not a silly male. πŸ˜‚

Secondly, she was already a wife before she was found. She’s got content, the 4 C’s – Christ, Character, Completeness (Single, Unique, whole) and cooperate purpose (found her purpose in life, career etc.)

In 1st Peter 3 (N.L.T.), verse 4 goes thus;

4 – You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

The woman I’m in love with is the Proverbs 31 woman.

A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman–who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.

Reading that chapter on and on just makes me fall in love with that woman over and over again.😍

You must be compatible ie. You also must be a “Man” and NOT a “Male” there’s a big difference. You must be a Man with content, the 4 C’s – Christ, Character, Completeness (Single, Unique, whole) and cooperate purpose (found his purpose in life, career etc.)

Your values; spiritual values, Relational values, intellectual values, financial values, career values, marital values etc. MUST align and match.

Sometimes interest might matter, but sometimes it’s not necessary.

About interest for instance; I love God, Engineering, History, Music, Football, Deep intellectual discourses (TEDx talk, good films etc), Knowledge etc. And it’s really hard to see any girl that has a blend of these things I want. Does that mean if I don’t see any girl that’s has these blends, then I can’t Marry? Absolutely not.

My last girlfriend had ‘almost’ none of these interests, yet I went in. She ‘kinda’ liked God though, and I could work with that.

Though I’d prefer my girl loves all that. But if I don’t see? Glory be to God, we’ll work with that.πŸ˜„. Hallelujah.

The most important thing I believe is for the girl – any girl around you whom you want to date or Marry – to have the right values as listed above.

To know God personally, have a good character and attitude, be really teachable, and the rest follows.

And of course, less I forget to add, she must be really really appealing (attractive) to my eyes 😍. She must be fine and have a good shape. I usually like My ladies slim and not really fat (as most African men love fat women). I don’t know what Pastor Kingsley is saying oπŸ˜‚… let’s leave the talk there.πŸ˜„

Let me conclude by saying this;

The phrase “LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT” is rubbish, utter horse shit. Its more like  “INFATUATION AT FIRST SIGHT” You can’t love someone by just admiring his/her Handsomeness/Beauty. Like we see in the movies.

Ok if you claim it’s love, let him/her have a terrible accident and sustain a terrible injury e.g. get his/her face maimed, badly battered with injuries, looking really ugly. Will you still remain in love?

Yes the physical feature of your “would be wife/hubby” can and should get you attracted but will not maintain the relationship. It can get you infatuated and NOT in Love I assure you.

You fall in Love “with time” as you both engage each other’s values, Love Languages, and sometimes interests too. Girls spell Love as “ATTENTION”, Boys spell Love as “RESPECT”. This is another conversation for another day πŸ˜„

What’s the difference between infatuation and love you ask?

The answer is Time.

That’s the difference

Infatuation is exactly like Love as stated in 1st Corinthians 13.

Love Infatuation is patient, is kind, is selfless, not proud, keeps no record of wrongs, never gives up etc.

Well, Infatuation lasts for a period of 6 – 8 months of dating/courting. And sometimes, not always, having sex with the person might be the predominant thought in your head

Meanwhile, Love itself usually lasts less than 2 years according to research. I’ll she’d more light in this in my next post about Love and relationships.

That’s why divorce happens in less than 2 – 3 years of marriage, according to statistics. After the so called Love Infatuation has expired.

Though, I know for certain, that with time, Infatuation can translate into “Lasting love” – NOT just ordinary or euphoric Love – If they both work on it. With Natural and spiritual Principles of wisdom ie. Applying the knowledge learned spiritually and physically.

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE (LIFE), GET WISDOM (PHYSICAL AND SPIRITUAL WISDOM) – Proverbs 4:5

Love alone cannot sustain your marriage, adding wisdom to it will. – Dr. Myles Monroe

This is one of the videos that really enlightened me on marriage. A Must watch guys.

Knowledge and wisdom helps you function in the Love you already have for the person.

I Love Jets, but I can’t fly them. Why? Lack of knowledge to function in this Love for jets. Same with marriage and dating.

Talking about knowledge;

Spiritual knowledge: The Bible and applying all its Principles. Start from the book of proverbs. Proverbs 31 is one of my favourite, my go to books when I see a girl I’d like to marry. Also the books of  Peter, James and Corinthians.

It becomes Spiritual wisdom when we practice and apply what we’ve read.

Physical Knowledge: Most of what I know concerning dating and relationships and marriage I watched from good YouTube videos and read from good books. I recommend all Dr. Gary Chapman’s books especially his book titled; Things I wish I knew before I got married. That’ll do for a start. And also, all of Dr. Myles Monroe’s books on dating and marriage.

And then for videos, I’d recommend all Dr. Myles Monroe’s videos on YouTube about marriage, Some of Dr. Allain De bottom talks, TEDx Talks, Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo videos etc.

They become physical wisdom when we apply and practice what we’ve read.

Conclusively guys, Get Content – Find purpose in Christ, your career e.g. engineering, music etc.), Read good books (good videos) on marriage – then go get the girl (this is another topic on its own πŸ˜„), put the ring on her fingers too πŸ˜„…Getting a means of livelihood too is important before marriage.

The Bible didn’t say marry whom you Love (which would be nice too) but it says Love whom you marry.

If you want to know more and how to find Christ and purpose in him. Pls DM me here or On WhatsApp. Looking forward to hearing from you.

God help us.

Ok, there’s that for today. I hope this improves your Love life in the long run.

Till next time folks, Have a blessed month ahead.

Happy New Month folks 🍷

Au Revoir πŸ₯³βœŒπŸ½

2 thoughts on “Me Love-ly Life (2) – (The Soulmate)

  1. BravoπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘
    This love talk is interesting though and a bit confusing.
    Bcos with what I’ve heard, they said even love fades sometimes, i don’t mean infatuation o. Like you just get tired not bcos you want to quit, but bcos you needed your own space. So what then sustains a marriage or relationship at that time. I stand to be corrected though and want to learn more.
    But anyways, I already learnt a lot while reading through.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for enjoying the read and pointing out your confusion.😊

      About Love, I intended on explaining it in my next post but lemme quickly do a summary here.

      There are 2 stages of Romantic Love;

      Euphoric Stage: This 1st stage requires little or no effort where you have the tingly feelings and ignore any differences you may have then cos you’re truly in Love 😍. He can walk the length of aba road to go see her not minding the length just because you’re in Love.
      You do silly things while in Love. The person you love seem to be perfect. At this stage the couples don’t need to work on the relationship

      The intentional Stage: The 2nd stage is much more intentional, deliberate. You have to put more work into it. Remember while reading this blog post, somewhere around the beginning I said something like …Love is a verb NOT really a noun, sometimes you both don’t feel in Love, but you have to put in effort, the guy has to show, care, attention, affection, communication “consistently” even when he doesn’t feel like, and the woman should respond and it might take a while but the love would come back. Remember that? Yea that’s it. Also responding to the Love language of your spouse/lover is important too at this stage when the love is fading. You can read my blog post on “Love languages” for a summary of the book “Love languages”.

      P.S.: Love also fades after a period of 2 years (more for some, less for others)

      Like

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