Could Love Really Be Selfish?

Hello there! Good morning, Happy New Year. How’re we all doing?

It’s been a while since I posted anything here.😁

Have I posted anything here this year?🤔

I kid.

Of course, I have, about once or twice I guess 😁. I’m so sorry for the rarity, I’ve been engaged and the few times I’ve had opportunities to write something, I don’t feel like or get inspired.

Most of my energy is either given to the people I love or school or work or friends. It’s all about balance, I really need to learn to balance my energy and channel it better. God help me.

Enough talk, straight to business, LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE 😍.

Culture Love can be defined as a way of life. LOL. Even Adolf Hitler – the most wicked man in history second only to the devil – loved his family and his country. You can google him out if you haven’t heard about him, you’d be amazed.

Love is a wonderful thing. Jesus Christ showed the greatest act of love. Unconditional Love, dying for those he truly loved – everyone.

That (in my opinion) is the greatest show of love ever shown. A few notable ones that might come close to it are;

Mother Theresa and her charity to the Indians; forsaking everything (Possession, money, comfort, family etc) in her home country, Albania to go to India and preach to and help them. She even lived amongst the poor, barely having enough to eat herself. Go read about her and her deeds on Wikipedia.

Now that’s another level of Love. Damn.

Another example is Joseph. Why on God’s green earth did Joe forgive his 10 brothers (excluding Benjamin). They maltreated him and sold him as a slave. He had a hard life until things became better. I mean, he could just take Jacob, his father, and Benjamin into the palace to live with him. But he didn’t. He took all of them. I mean ‘ALL’ his mean brothers. What does he stand to gain from his brothers?

That’s another realm of unconditional love. I could go on and on but time wouldn’t let me.

A few months back – April to be precise – I was listening to some radio guys talk on the radio and they were talking about “LOVE”. You know, the concept of love and why we love.

One of the guys there stated that “LOVE IS SELFISH” and the two ladies amongst them agreed.

Only one guy opposed that statement.

Here are his reasons for stating love is selfish…

“Let me use a couple for instance, why does the husband show affection (Love) and care to his wife?
Showering her with expensive gifts, attention and all.
Is it that he’s “extremely in love” with her
OR because God says so OR it just feels right?”

He continued; “…The husband does all these nice things to make his wife feel loved. Why?

Once she feels loved she is happy (with him)
Once she’s happy with him, she’s gonna love him (the more).
Once she loves him he feels happy.”

“…so to rephrase, the husband loves and spends lavishly on his wife so she’d love him. That’s Selfish. He’s loving her so she’d love him so that he’ll feel good and happy”

He went further to talk about all kinds of love. He said; “mention any relationship that exhibits love, it’s all down to selfishness:

Parental love – The parents take care of the children so that they’ll be ‘well to do’ and ‘successful’. But there are strings attached. Why? The parents want their kids to be successful so they’d have enough money to take care of them when they are old. Also, they don’t want to be neglected and left alone when they’re older. In addition, for bragging rights – so they can impress the people around them – as their children have brought pride and glory to the family and ‘other people’ will respect the family and the parents for doing a good job.

Relational Love – love amongst friends. Friends do loving things to each other so the friendship can blossom. If friend A does lovely things – buy gifts, give attention, call a lot etc – Friend B will want to reciprocate and do the same so friend A doesn’t feel hurt and so the friendship can last. They both want the friendship to last because they need eachother; when either of them is emotionally down, or need someone to talk to, or is in need of dire help etc.

Well all I can say is this. There are two sides to this.

Don’t be shocked when I say this but, from his view point, he is 100% accurate and correct.

However from the other view point, he’s completely and totally wrong.

Lemme briefly explain;

From the radio presenter’s stance, he’s saying Mother Theresa was selfish; she wanted to satisfy her conscience by going to India and be nice, gain national recognition (which she definitely did) and finally God’s approval (which she most likely did). From his perspective, he’s totally accurate.

However, let’s look at it from the other perspective. She did it out of Love, unconditional Love. She wouldn’t have spent her life in India when she could get better things in Albania (her home country). She wouldn’t have still been in India even after the glory, she wouldn’t have spent most of her life in that ruble etc.

On the married couple example he gave, let’s look at it from the other perspective.

The husband showers his wife with affection and care, yet she doesn’t reciprocate or love him back. But he loves her unconditionally with all of his heart and he decides to be patient with her whether she reciprocates or not, bow that’s selflessness.

He does this consistently (Unlike husbands like the radio presenter). Days became weeks, weeks became months and suddenly she started succumbing to his love and then reciprocates little by little. OR let’s even imagine she reciprocated to his love immediately, and later on, she falters – she shows no love, no happiness, gives him no sex – because he loves her unconditionally, he’s willing to be patient and still does loving acts. She will yield and realize that he truly loves her, unconditionally. Except she’s the devil, she’ll yield eventually.

Or His drive could also be that he’s doing it for his kids so they’d have a functional home without divorced parents at the expense of his own happiness, now that’s selflessness

On the parental love; Let’s assume the parent(s) take care if the kids and they don’t turn out successful, some parents will still love their children because, well, it’s their children. Unconditional love.

Same can be said for true friendship, siblings love (brotherly and sisterly love). Unconditional love.

I tell you guys, I have seen this true unconditional sisterly love exhibited by my mom. My mother does so many loving things to her sister, expecting nothing in return, absolutely nothing I tell you. And this inspires me.

The radio presenter guy was talking from his own perspective and point of view. In his opinion, if he was mother Theresa, he would not have gone to India out of unconditional love but rather for other side benefits. Hence his selfishness.

If he was someone’s husband in his view he would do loving things to his wife expecting love in return and not out of unconditional love. This means that if he portrays Love to his wife and she doesn’t respond, he’ll stop showing her love because he’s not happy hence his selfishness.

If the radio presenter was a parent, he’s only gonna show love to his kids so that when he’s older he’ll get things in return. Hence his selfishness.

And so on and so forth.

Majority of us (including me) are in this address. “I love so that I can be loved” address. Let’s not play saints here, we completely understand what this radio presenter was saying and we even agree and exhibit what he’s been saying.

We potray selfish love.

You’re still arguing with your conscience,😁 well answer me this;

Imagine you show so much love to your boyfriend/girlfriend right, – buy gifts oftentimes, call a lot, give attention and affection etc. – and he or she respondeth not. He/she rarely calls or chat you, never buys you gifts, never listens to you…aha!

Or imagine you as a parent…(fill in the gap)

Living (and loving) right is hard.

My favourite write up about love is found in 1st Corrithians chapter 13 of the Bible;

Verse 5 says;

Love is not rude, is not selfish and does not (easily) get upset with others... NCV translation

Another verse says;

Love is patient (never gives up), love is kind (cares for others more than for self)... MSB & NKJV translation

You see all those stuff written up there, guy no be beans! It’s really hard to do. We can’t do this with our grit and willpower, we need help to do this, even me writing this.

That’s why we need the Holy Spirit.

Thank God for Jesus’ love. Thank God for that unconditional love.

I can’t talk about this here as this blog post is way longer than I anticipated 😁. Though I’ve talked about this before, please give this a read Living right ain’t easy man, I put in steps that can help us achieve true, selfless and unconditional love.

Conclusively, we can choose to love like the radio presenter, as we already do😕


We can choose to love right, selflessly and unconditionally (via an external help). – Love consistently for a long time expecting nothing in return, absolutely nothing..

Well guys, It’s your choice. (niabari Sampson 😉 – Don’t mind me, it’s someone’s name, someone special to me)

Anyways, Let’s leave it here guys


Till next time. 🤘🏾

3 thoughts on “Could Love Really Be Selfish?

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